Sunday, September 8, 2013

Longing for self-indulgence


Ini adalah entri lepas geram.

Fuuuu another boring and stuffy Sunday. I wish I could get out and play at some park. Anywhere would be nice.

Watched The Human Condition : Condition for a Vacation and suddenly a thought hit me:
"Ah it would be nice if I have a day off; just received my monthly bonus and a car."
But of course I can't because:
1. I'm still in practical, so I have no monthly bonus.
2. I don't know know how to drive, let alone have a license, so of course even if I have a car, it'll be useless.
3. Practical students never get day-offs worry-free.

So then again I feel completely annoyed and pitiful. Some students are rich people, like Irine Nadia and Fatin Liyana. They can easily relieve their stress by shopping or go somewhere for a vacation, like, India. FL said the ticket was cheap. It's 4 digits. My jaw literally drops. 

'I wish I could go somewhere' doesn't always mean that I want to go for a vacation at someplace far. If someone offered to drop me off somewhere, I would gladly accept (not even hesitating to think about the consequences). I would bring some RM20 (because only that much I can afford now), stop by 7Eleven and buy a lighter and cup noodles and water (drinking one and carbonated one. of course. I want to get loose sometimes). A small-sized Slurpee would be nice too. And later on buy a small kettle at any hardware shop. Then drop me by at a beach and I'll be happy to spend the whole day there.

I could picture myself having fun. Upon arriving I will sit and enjoy the breeze and waves. Then start out a fire to boil water for my cup noodles. After having my brunch I would walk along the shore and get my feet wet. I'll pick whatever's interesting and arrange them on the sand and took a picture and post them to Instagram later with caption : "Finally having my desired fun time!"

I'll spend my afternoon singing to my hearts content. I've been wanting to do this - singing alone. I can shout, I can whisper, I can jump - anything, I can do anything. Living in the dorm doesn't allow me to sing songs in high-notes because someone will knock at our door with irritated face to shut me up. And I cannot go to any karaoke place because, well, it's quite inappropriate for me. If I could play the guitar it'll be wonderful.

 But it's still okay if I have my earphone. 

After Asar I could sit and stare as the sun sets and the day shifts to night. At night I could wear my sweater and sing again as I count the stars. And guess the constellations names. And spot the Pleiades and Polaris. And again, humming along with the music of the waves. Some Kimi ni Todoke Instrumental OST would be nice. Hohoemi...Starlit Sky...Pure... and Pure White Story. 

Then I'll be glad to go back home.

I've been longing to go to the Alps. Visit Jiuzhaigou and the sakura trees in blossom at Korea. It'll be fun to go to a cat farm, like Caboodle Home, where there's a lot of cats beautifully groomed and well taken care of to play with.

And of course I couldn't do that. Perhaps never in this lifetime. So thanks to Google I can satisfy 1% of my desire.

I love sports. Seriously. Beside cycling along a beautiful park, walking up a serene mountain, it's the best experience I could ever ask for. Some leports (leisure + sports) such as bungee jumping, rock climbing, flying fox, air-ballon floats (like that one the Running Man did on that episode where Han Hyo Joo and 2PM's Junho came as guests.) and 'Flying Fish' (that Gwangsoo rode as a punishment on the same episode) - I would be glad to try that too. Very. 

My sister hiked Mount Kinabalu recently and got a bizarre chance of kayaking at Padas River. I envy her so much because I want to do things like that too. It's just that none of my friends are into those kinds of things. They would say it's too dangerous and hard. My guy friends have been to trips like that before, and are planning one now, but I can't go because I'll be the only girl, and that'll be a nuisance. So to quench my thirst for extreme sports, I look forward for holidays, because Dad sometimes bring us to go fishing. It's a quiet sport, haha I know, but it's very calming and enjoyable. Recently I've caught some good catch and it's like a motivation to me. 

Being surrounded by nature is enough for me. 

There was once, during mid-year holiday, as soon as we woke up Dad said that we'll walk to get midin at a shrub, near the entrance to our kampung. We were, of course, so lazy at first, but it's a great experience walking together (Mum stays at home) with Dad. Our village view was quite awesome there and the 4th Murni was enjoying herself; humming and hopping happily, plucking some wild grass and flowers. We were outraged but she's so funny so we just let it slide. 

Sometimes I just need some time alone. Sitting alone at a rooftop watching evening came at a bustling city is enough for me. I could sit alone and sing, again, to my hearts content. I could look down below and see people walking hurriedly and watch the cloud move as I plugged in my earphone and listen to Smiling by Harry Gregson-Williams, over and over. Then I'll let time pass by as buildings' lights turned on, one by one. Watching sunset like this is quite an experience too. Calming, amidst the hectic city life.

It's been a mix of emotions while I'm typing this. I feel excited, satisfied, pathetic even, and nostalgic. My head feels stuffy, my body feels limb but my fingers were actively story-telling as my mind rummaging through those memories and desires. It's a never-ending story that often get me teary-eyed. Sometimes I stumble upon a beautiful sceneric pictures, and fall into deep thoughts. I can fly around the world just by my imagination.

But one thing is for sure, it calms me down somewhat. =')

Thanks for reading. I've been taking your time, huh? =)


  1. Nothing is so much blessed than being near to mother nature!

  2. woot...woot... sbr leeww... keep dreaming.. till 1 fine day dat dream will come true... hihihi.. doa smua lncr untk aku n kaka..murah rezki, inshaAllah kt plan sumthng 4 our blvd family... ^^


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